Quit the Perfection!

So I was reading through some of the "How to be Successful" books that I bought ages ago before entering college and I noticed that most of them all have a topic on procrastination. Not only that, every book seems to point out the fact that procrastination is caused by perfectionism (the act of trying to be perfect in every way).

It was then that I realized that I somewhat fall into this category. Back then when I was little, doing homework or studying was more or less to get the work done and absorbing as much as I can. Now, it has become more like a "sink or swim" situation. In college, you get one shot and that's pretty much it, not like in elementary school when easy spelling quizzes were given out once every week so those who sucked at the other subjects could get a chance to boost their grades. College is very cut-throat because professors are pressured into giving a certain number of A's, B's, C's, and unfortunately some F's. Therefore within a specific major, like Pharmacy, only a certain number of students will make it and get their degrees. I heard that my school only allows about 200 or 300 to graduate and the rest will either fail or drop out/transfer.

Therefore, school is all just a game of survival to see who can get the best grades and triumph over everybody else. It's like a competition rather than what they call an "academic" experience. I no longer trust professors who preach about the importance of learning because in the end learning will get you nowhere if you don't have the grades. That's how it is in the real work as well, in order for one person to be the best, another person has to fail or lose. This is the reason why I was ranked higher in high school. It wasn't because I was so smart but because the people who were in the "race" just decided to try less harder.

It sucks to know that you're only considered smart because the people around you are not trying as hard. It's kind of like playing a video game, what good is a victory if you realized that you won because somebody was going easy on you >.<

This is what has led me to become such a perfectionist because so much is dependent on the grades that I get now. That's why in order for me to study or do homework, I have to find the "perfect" time and place which just happens to be never and nowhere. This leads to last minute cramming and failing grades =( I wish society would stop pressuring people into thinking in this kind of mindset. It's very unhealthy and evil... sigh

Our Job Vs. Our Hobby

I am willing to bet my money that 99.9% of the people out there with jobs would rather choose a different occupation if all the jobs in this world resulted in the same salary.

I am one of those examples because honestly I would rather design web pages or dance at a concert all day if I was offered those kinds of jobs. However, that is not the case. The world is unfair and values only the professions that benefit life in general. Thus, if a job does nothing to contribute to the general health of society, it doesn't become valuable. I used to want to become a forensic scientist or psychologist but looking at their salaries, I question whether or not spending all those years in college will be worth it in the end. Sure, I will love what I do, but how is it going to sustain my expensive life?

I think society just staggers self-interest because by setting a doctor's salary to a such a high degree, it is insinuating that any profession with a salary lower is considered "not as important." Thus, everybody nowadays constantly seeks to get into a profession that is both less time consuming and high paying. With this mindset, those hobbies of ours like drawing and singing and dancing become inhibited because what good do these things do for us if we won't be getting paid for doing them? Then they become a waste of time and eventually we lose interest in them.

Video games used to give me such great satisfaction but since I have no time for them anymore (there is no job out there that pays for playing video games), I lose interest in them as time progresses. The longer you stay away from something, the harder it is to go back to it. It is very unfortunate that we are all forced to give up our dreams in order to help society advance.

Revisited Memories

So yesterday I went back to my high school to visit my best teacher Ms. P and after an hour of talking, I realized how much I missed high school. And by high school I mean high school when no AP classes were involved.

That's why my favorite year of high school was probably sophomore year because the courses were easy and everything seems to be going just right. But for some reason things just went downhill from there. Sophomore year was the last "productive" year for me. After that, procrastination just kicked in like the plague and have since taken a heavy toll on my life.

I realized that as I get older and more important events begin to occur, I start to feel like I have no time to do anything. Because there are so many important things going on, I can't afford to mess up, thus I spend so much time perfecting every aspect of my life. This causes my procrastination to skyrocket and now I just can't help but give in to it.

But I hope that things will get better, that one day something drastic will happen that forces me to go back to how I was before all of these chaotic events occurred. I want to go back to being that little boy who would get all of his homework done on Fridays. I miss my productive years and hope that they will come back soon...

Negative Attraction

So I have offically declared today that I attract 2 things: diseases & poverty.

For some reason whenever I take the MBTA, I ALWAYS and I stress ALWAYSSS end up sitting or standing next to somebody who is sick. No matter how hard I try to avoid one sick person, I will end up face to face with another "sicker" person. The thing is people who are sick don't wear faces that says "Stay Away I'm Sick" on their foreheads so I can't judge >.< Now here's the thing, when I was sick back in December, I never sat near anybody who was sick which made me feel awkward whenever I spaz out and cough. But how come when I was sick everybody around me appears to be healthy but when I'm all healthy, sick people start coming after me left and right. I don't need to get sick again people, KEEP AWAY!!

Another thing that constantly happens to me is that people always ask me for money or "leftover change." These people are usually waiting at the train stations for me and it happened to me THREE TIMES within a 24 hour period. Seriously, it's like I have the words "Hi I'm Rich" written on the top of my forehead or something. I have my huge ass backpack on meaning that I am a college student, and college students are POOR for goodness sakes!! So please please, keep away! >.< God if they were poor in the first place then where did they muster up all of the change in the first place to get INTO the train station. Shouldn't they get some food instead? It's like using money in order to ask for more money when you could have made better use of it in the first place X(

Now on a more pleasant note, my Pokemon games finally came today. I have been anticipating the Heartgold and Soulsilver versions of Pokemon ever since they were first announced last May. I remember the orginal Pokemon Gold, Silver, and Crystal Versions were my favorite but all the batteries inside the game cartridge have died so I can no longer save my progress. So you bet I was super excited when found out about the release of these newer versions. SO EXCITED!! I will personally make a new layout having to do with these versions at the end of this week because I am THAT excited, can't wait to play it later (I would play now but I still have some work to do). God fuck school already, stop ruining my life!

Is Having More Time a Bad Thing?

So I'm assuming that by now everybody is aware about the fact that I am a MAJOR PROCRASTINATOR... much like how I am now (I should be studying for my chem exam but guess what I'm doing?). As spring break was nearing I told myself that I was going to study and be productive... guess what actually happened? THE EXACT OPPOSITE! >.<

Now I have a theory that giving procrastinators more time is actually a bad thing. More time in my world doesn't mean having more time to study or get things done. It just means more time to watch TV, play video games, and basically everything BESIDES studying.

Much like how on exams we get a certain amount of time, I realize that the more I spent time going over my answers, the more likely I will change my answers into the wrong ones. Never have I actually needed to spend the extra time and even when I do spend the remaining test time going over my answers, I still never actually make any changes that will benefit me.

I guess the reason why most people finish exams quickly is because they know that they do not need to spend the extra time because it MAY hurt them. Sometimes I really just need to built myself a hypnotic machine that can brainwash me or something and cause me to lose this habit.

So how do YOU guys combat procrastination, if you actually do. Give me some tips!! lol

Overpopulation?

Is it bad to say that there are WAYY too many people on Earth and that we should either die off more often or move to another planet? I don't know why I get so annoyed with things such as waiting in line, waiting for the train, and having to snuggle my body up against a stranger because there is NO personal room. Maybe I am becoming OVERLY claustrophobic the more I am exposed to it. I mean even doing something that using wi-fi to play Mario Kart with people online is hard; there's no space because EVERYBODY is on so I get diconnected every few minutes. Sometimes I feel like I desperately need my own personal space, or maybe I have some already but just need for it to expand more. A perfect world isn't a world in which you always get what you want; it is one in which there is no such thing as a "wait" time or "waiting list" or being "waitlisted." I get anything that has the word "wait" in it because that is just stomething that I cannot afford to do, ESPECIALLY in a world in which we live today.

So much to do, so little time... It is times like this that I wish I could just go back.